Cinderella
Full-length pantomime. Running-time: about two hours (excluding interval)
Available from Lazy Bees Scripts
(Version 2; listed as Version 12 by Lazy Bees)
Songs: some songs are suggested.
It’s the traditional story with some 21st-century twists. Prince Charming runs his life according to his fitbit and won't dance another step after completing his ten thousand paces for the day. The Baroness spends her time doing Pilates, while Cinderella's Sisters can't be dragged away from Facebook – and taking selfies.
The king wants his breakfast but every time he asks for a boiled egg with soldiers, his army appears. Cinderella's sisters need a flatpack assembled to store their shoes – or is it a flapjack? Or a catflap? Or a hat-rack? There is a ghostly pigeon, a talking parrot, a page called Paragraph, an endless supply of jokes – and, would you believe it, a happy ending!
Characters:
Cinderella
Buttons
Baron Hardup
Baroness Hardup
Phantasmagoria ) daughters of
Poltergeist ) Baron and Baroness Hardup
King
Prince Charming
Marquis de Bonbon
Sir Cumference
Musketeer, a Soldier
Hussar, another Soldier
Twinkle, a Fairy Godmother
Mr Bear, a Job Centre official, later a Mouse
Philly, a Mouse
Paragraph, a page
A Parrot (voice only)
A Ghost
Additional Courtiers (optional)
More Mice (optional)
Script Extract: (Scene: The Palace Incident Room)
King: Has anything been seen of the mysterious Lady With No Name?
Prince: Has anyone discovered her name?
Marquis: No, sir. She is completely anonymous.
King: Most unusual. (He writes HAS NO NAME on a piece of paper and pins it to the map)
Prince: Do we have any other information?
Hussar: Your Highness, she departed in a pumpkin.
Prince: You mean she left in a …vegetable?
King: Right. (He writes TRAVELS BY VEGETABLE on a piece of paper and pins it to the board)
Musketeer: If you'll forgive me, sir,a pumpkin is technically a fruit.
King: I'm not asking for a botany lesson. Most people do not travel by vegetable.
Musketeer: That's not strictly true, either. You can travel by rocket. (Everyone looks baffled)Rocket is a vegetable.
Hussar: And you can travel by banana boat.
King: Be quiet. What you're telling us is that she left here in a fruit or possibly a vegetable?
Hussar: Yes, sir.
King: Right. (He writes OR BY FRUIT on a piece of paper and pins it up)
Musketeer: (holding out the glass slipper) She dropped this, Your Majesty.
Prince: (fingering the slipper) Her glass slipper.
King: That's a strangely impractical kind of shoe.
Marquis: That's true. You can't dance in glass.
Prince: But who wears glass shoes?
Marquis: It's Clark's [etc] latest range. They have sole rights.
Sir C: They're trying to put their business on a sounder footing.
King: Point Three. Or maybe Four. (He writes WEARS GLASS on a piece of paper and pins it up) I think we're getting somewhere.
Marquis: We do not have not much to go on, sir.
King: Come on, Marquis. (pointing at each piece of paper in turn) A young girl with no name who wears glass and travels in a vegetable. Or possibly a fruit. That narrows things down.
Musketeer: And she only has one shoe.
Hussar: She must be walking with a pronounced limp.
King: Aha! Exactly! (He writes ONE SHOE on paper and pins it up) Oh yes. And this as well. (He writes PRONOUNCED LIMP on paper and pins it up)
Marquis: That's not quite right, sir.
King: What's not right?
Marquis: One Shoe is pronounced One Shoe. Why would you pronounce it Limp?
King: (ignoring him) To recapitulate. (He points to each note on the board in turn) Travels in a vegetable. Or a fruit. Wears glass. Walks with a limp. Has one shoe. And no name. Easy!
Prince: Then find her! Search the Palace! Search the grounds! Search every inch of the kingdom. And when you have found the Lady with No Name and One Shoe, she shall share myname and never again will she be without a shoe!
This version of Cinderella was first published in 2018. It has been performed in Australia and in Switzerland as well as in the U.K.
