THE HORRORS OF BEING A CHORUS MEMBER

Here we are, all standing round,

The chorus in the pantomime.

Stand still and don’t make a sound.

We’ll have a quite thrilling time.

Some of us had set our hearts

On playing the Villain or the Dame,

But we’ve got non-speaking parts -

Each year it’s just the same.

Yes, I’ve heard that lament from the regular chorus-members who never seem to achieve a speaking part. Maybe their acting did not impress at the audition; maybe their singing voice wasn’t quite on a level with Ed Sheeran or Taylor Swift; or maybe the Director once again gave all the decent parts to their friends. Life is just so unfair.

The verse above is part of my original script for THE KING’S NEW CLOTHES and is sung to the tune of the Mazurka from Coppelia by Delibes. You won’t find it in the script as published by Lazy Bees, though; drama companies understandably like to use pop songs.

It’s a tough life as a chorus member. Turn up to every rehearsal and sit through all the interesting bits. Then prepare for the music director to practise a song and/or dance over and over again till it’s perfect. And until you’re bored out of your mind. It really is a tough life. Find the Director a nice cup of tea or the best chocolate biscuit at half-time and hope for better luck next time.