Rumpelstiltskin
Reduced Version
There is also a version of this script for Reduced Cast (six minimum). See further details at the bottom of this page.
Songs: some songs are suggested.
“The show is fantastic and hilariously funny for all ages and features all the things you know and love - handsome kings, evil witches, straw being spun into gold and the odd culinary mishap or two”. (Filton Voice)
Wally Miller has a daughter, Samantha, who can spin straw into gold. No, of course she can't, but Wally boasts that she can, just as the King arrives at the pub with his exhausted walking group. Bring her to the Palace, he orders. Why is the King out walking, you may wonder? It's his latest obsession. His first obsession was a cookery course.
A witch called Wisteria (or possibly Hysteria) wants two things: a cat, to help with her spells, and a baby. She tells her son, Rumpelstiltskin, to help her.
How will Samantha get out of this predicament? And how will she find out the name of the man who helped her and avoid having to give away her (as-yet-unborn) baby to the witch? What crazes will the King come up with next? (Answer: boy band, surfing; cycling).
The script features a dame, a witch, a damsel in distress, two cats called Charles Dickens and Emily Bronte, two soldiers called How and Why, a giant Guinea-Pig who terrorises the local forest. And, of course, there are loads of jokes, some surprising plot twists, and all the expected pantomime ingredients.
Characters in order of length (19):
Samantha, daughter of Wally and Wendy
King
Rumpelstiltskin
Wisteria, a witch, Rumpelstiltskin's mother
Wendy, Wally's wife
Wally, a Miller
Charlotte, a personal trainer
Lord Front-Daw
Emily Bronte ) cats
Charles Dickens )
Rub ) owners of the Rub and Dub pub
Dub )
Countess Times
Count One-to-Five
Earl Grey
Why ) soldiers
How )
Sir Plus
A Giant Guinea Pig
Optional Chorus of Courtiers, pub customers
Script Extract:
Samantha: Hello boys and girls. And could you give a nice welcome to Charles Dickens. He's my cat. (She waits for audience response)
Wally: You're probably wondering why our cat is called Charles Dickens.
Wendy: It's because, when he goes out with a Mutual Friend, it's a Tail of Two Kitties.
Charles Dickens: (Angry) Miaow.
Wendy: (Addressing someone in the audience) Don't worry, dear. That's the end of the cultural jokes for today. It's back to normal for the rest of the show.
Samantha: Oh, Mummy and Daddy, it's wonderful to see you together like that. (Sadly)I don't think I shall ever find a nice young man to marry.
Wendy: Of course you will. There's always a Mr Right just around the corner. Or if there isn't a Mr Right, there's someone hopeless like your father.
Samantha: All the young men I meet are only after one thing.
Wendy: Tell me about it. All the men I've known have been like that.
Samantha: Yes. They just want to stroke Charles Dickens.
Wendy: Yes, they – (She stops, not expecting that answer) They want to – Well, he is a very handsome cat.
Charles Dickens: (Preening himself) Miaow.
(A noise like a slightly restrained pneumatic drill is heard)
Wally: What's that noise?
Samantha: It's Charles Dickens purring.
Wally: Tell him to stop. We'll go deaf.
Samantha: Poor Charles Dickens is a bit off colour today.
(Purring stops. Charles Dickens looks pathetic and nearly topples over sideways)
Wally: Off colour? He's ginger [or other colour].
Samantha: His whiskers are wilting.
(Charles Dickens pulls his whiskers down)
Samantha: His tail's drooping.
(Charles Dickens turns his back and smooths down his tail)
Samantha: He didn't eat his breakfast today. Mouse mousse.
Charles Dickens: (Disgusted) Miaow.
Samantha: And as for his saucer of milk -
Wally: I know. He just skimmed over it.
(Enter Wisteria and Rumpelstiltskin Stage Left. They encourage the audience to boo. Charles Dickens bares his teeth and his tail goes up)
Samantha: (To Wally Miller and Wendy) I don't like the look of these people. Neither does Charles Dickens.
Wally: They look very suspicious.
Wisteria: (To Rumpelstiltskin) This is the place. The remote village of [local area].
Rumpelstiltskin: It certainly looks remote.
Wisteria: And the natives are very primitive. I don't think they have any work to do – (gesturing towards the windmill) - they're just milling around.
Wally: (To Rumpelstiltskin) Can I help you, sir? You appear to be a stranger.
Rumpelstiltskin: Nonsense. You're a lot stranger than I am.
Wisteria: My name's Wisteria. It's a lovely name, isn't it?
Wendy: (Doubtfully)Ye-es. (To Rumpelstiltskin) And what's your name?
Rumpelstiltskin: (Encouraging the audience to say, Shh!) Shh!
Wendy: (Puzzled) I'm sorry. What's your name?
Rumpelstiltskin: Shh!
Wendy: Unusual name.
Wisteria: (To Wally) Tell me, my good man. Does a Mr Miller live round here?
Wally: Miller? Yes, that's me.
Wendy: I'm his wife. Wendy.
Wisteria: We understand that you have a cat.
Samantha: A cat?
Charles Dickens: (Suspicious) Miaow.
Wisteria: This is your cat?
Samantha: Yes.
Wisteria: What a sweet little creature.
(Wisteria tries to stroke Charles Dickens; he bares his teeth again, hisses, and recoils in alarm)
Rumpelstiltskin: Mother, you can't do spells with this cat. It's the wrong colour.
Wisteria: Who says I have to have a black cat? That's just a tradition. I am an originator, a trendsetter of witchcraft.
Rumpelstiltskin: But this cat doesn't like you.
Wisteria: (To Rumpelstiltskin) Nonsense.All cats love me. (To Samantha) I want this cat.
(Charles Dickens jumps into Samantha's arms)
Samantha: He's not for sale.
Rumpelstiltskin has been performed in Toronto, Canada, as well as in locations in the U.K.
